As many of you know, life is not always full of happy moments. I had an experience this past week that I would consider to be one of my lowest points.
I have been anxiously waiting for a few months now to get my rotation assignments for my last year of PA school. The hard part, or so I thought, would finally come to an end in May and I would start one of the most exciting experiences of my life. Soon, I will be right alongside Doctors and PAs, using all the knowledge I've been collecting for the past 5 years. I could not wait any longer to see where I would be!
An announcement was made that assignments were out! I scanned my list and quickly realized that out of 7 sites, I only recognized 2 and only 1 near home. I frantically typed a few into mapquest and my heart sank. I felt frozen for a few seconds, thinking that this could not possibly be my assignments. Listening to the chatter around the classroom, I began to realize that most people had several placements in which they could live with friends and family. I immediately felt a sadness come over me and anger quickly set in. Had they gotten confused on the information I gave them? I had given the coordinator all the places I had possible housing (which was many), but for some reason she thought it would be appropriate to place me all over the state - far, very far, from my husband and family: 2 1/2 to 4 hours to be exact. These placements would change everything about our life for the next 8 months.
It's different being married and going to school. I'm sure others would beg to differ and argue that they will miss their loved ones just as much, but it's not just about missing a loved one. A marriage is a lifelong commitment that you make to another person and happily married people will probably agree that something changes after you say your vows. It's not simply moving in together and continuing on with life. It's now a responsibility to be there for that person and share everything in life with them. I lived with Scott before we were married and after the wedding and everything settled down, it was different - a wonderful kind of different. It's hard to explain, but you'll know when you get there. So I knew that Scott would be equally as saddened when he found out the news.
It's been a few days since we found out and I wouldn't say that Scott or I have completely accepted it, but we're getting there. There is a lot to miss in 8 months, especially during our favorite times of the year (summer and fall). It's the little things that I will miss the most - gardening and landscaping together, eating dinners on our deck, having coffee on the porch by our pond, sleeping in on weekends with our little Ellie girl, etc. Emotionally, it's going to be a really tough 8 months for me. However, I'm not the type of person to crawl in a hole and be depressed the whole time I'm away. I'm starting a bucket list soon of all the things I want to do when I'm away - #1 being learn as much as I can. I threw myself out into the world during undergrad and experienced as much as I could. I thought I was ready to be home and to start settling into a routine life. Apparently God has other plans for me this year and I'm starting to feel some excitement again about what may lie ahead.
The day after my assignments came out, Scott and I both were given a message. My friend, Allison, brought in her devotional and said I needed to read the day's message, but I wasn't ready to hear it. She reminded me again at the end of the day. Here is what it said...
Jesus Calling Devotional ~March 29th
Stop trying to work things out before their times have come. Accept the limitations of living one day at a time. When something comes to your attention, ask Me whether or not it is part of today’s agenda. If it isn’t, release it into My care and go on about today’s duties. When you follow this practice, there will be a beautiful simplicity about your life: a time for everything, and everything in its time.
A life lived close to Me is not complicated or cluttered. When your focus is on My Presence, many things that once troubled you lose their power over you. Thought the world around you is messy and confusing, remember that I have overcome the world. I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have Peace.
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." ~Ecclesiastes 3:1
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: ~John 16:33
When I came home, I told Scott that I think God sent me a message today that it's going to be ok. He looked at me and said "Hunny, I was sent a message today too!" The PSSAs are finally over, so Scott has been showing the kids some science documentaries. This one was about a man raising wild turkeys from eggs and having them imprint on him in the wild for a year. The man said that he learned an import lesson over that year -
"Stop worrying about the past and what's to come in the future. Enjoy the moments of the day and be happy in the present."
All I can say is - thank you God, for showing your presence in my life in a time when I need you the most. There will be times when you might think he's not listening to the cries of your heart, but he is. Wait on the Lord and he will be there when you need him.
So here's the line up... please feel free to comment on things I might want to do in these areas. I think I have Philly covered, but I'm still up for suggestions =)!
Hermitage, PA (near the Ohio border) - Dermatology
Hermitage, PA - Surgery
Altoona, PA - Emergency
Kingston, PA - Pediatrics
Philly - Internal Med
Newport - Family Med
Life's moments are not always happy, but
happiness is having people you love there to support you during difficult times. In these next two months before I leave, I plan to really enjoy my time with family, hug a little longer, and love a little stronger. Something I now realize I should have been doing all along...
"It's going to be ok" flowers from my mom. She's the best <3
Thanks for reading!
~ Lacie
